The kids are away!

The kids are at camp and have been since last Thursday, they return tomorrow night late.  I have been spending time with their farther,  my ex-husband.  I miss him, even with all the drama.  Not to mention I haven't slept this well since we stopped sleeping together, and kids I mean sleep not sex.  He was my husband for fourteen years and we lived together the year before that and dated the year before that so sixteen years with him means I will not be able to sleep well by myself for sometime.  We where having dinner the other day and he says " I think we give this a month and then you and the kids move back in." 
Whaaaaat? Really? 
On what planet are you living.  We had two maybe three good days so far, really no we haven't because last Thursday when the kids left and you "went out of town for work", you started a fight and called me names and made me cry again.  This only works when I don't react to the way you treat me, which is still bad.  Yes you give me money, for the kids and for myself.  Money however doesn't change the fact that you keep treating me like a doormat.  It makes you feel better about what you have done and what your doing now, but that's all.
Less then a month ago, you were telling me you loved me and that you wanted me, that you weren't seeing anyone else and that we might still have a shot, you have been telling me this off and on since April of 2011.  That's when I filed, its also when you didn't stop seeing other women, and I say women because we both know She is not the only one.  Wish I could say it was only 2 others, but I can't, can I. 
I have been In Love with You since I was 17yrs old.  I don't know how to stop, staying at your side has made me bitter and vengeful, I don't want to be!  Breaking my heart has become just another pasttime for you. 
I will say this, I am stronger today then I was yesterday!
I am breaking free, one piece at a time, I am breaking free....

Remembering the Past....

I find myself thinking to much.  Really its remembering that the problem.  I have been thru to much, husband who cheated and is now my ex-husband but we see each other all the time, talk everyday several times a day and still have sex.  I'm not seeing anyone else, he however, sees other women.  I recently found out that he was sleeping with a friend of mine for several months.  I first confronted them four months ago and they both got mad and tryed to make me feel bad for even thinking such a thing.  Then they got into it and he admitted it.  She is engaged to be married.  Does everyone cheat?  I don't get it.  I'm no angle either.  When I knew he was cheating I would talk to other men.  I didn't sleep with them, but it was the emotional fix I needed.

Now, I am divorced and wanting to be married.  I can't be married to him thou, we fight to much and even thou I love him, I don't trust him at all.   He also sleeps with the same woman he cheated on me with for 5yrs.  And there are others, women he has worked with and I don't know what else.  Most of them knew he was married with children.  They don't care.  I am so broken from all of this.  I don't know my place and it is killing me.